"Think warm and breathable, stylish, but soft to the touch. As a future member of the Bloggers Union, I'd like to propose a Strike. Here's my poster (see picture), which I have already made in Photoshop. What do you think, our fearless labor leaders?"

I like to think that I have some idea of what's going on in the land of free speech and the Internet. I pay attention to both the right and the left in the media (though I still can't bring myself to smoke the smack that Bill O'Reilly is cookin', but I do peruse Fox News online even if only for the entertainment), I am in favor of Net Neutrality, and maybe most importantly, I exercise this right by regularly writing and publishing my opinions.

But this one has got me boggled. Or should I say, Bloggled... (Is that trademarked?)

I read an article in the Oregonian this morning about the concept of a "bloggers union" being formed, and being supported primarily by, "lefties," which is probably what I mostly am.

Could you say that again, Mr. Frizzell, this time into the mic? A, "bloggers union" did you say? Come again?

Ooooh, you mean like the labor unions of this century (and centuries past) that were actually fighting against something? As in Samuel Gompers and the AFL (not football, though they have a union too) who were trying to improve working conditions, reduce unreasonable hours, and defend fair wages?

But of course! That is what we need to improve those things! I mean really, I hate this stupid humiliating bloggers uniform that I am forced to wear, the hours are awful, and the pay really does suck.

I am ashamed to admit it, but this smells to me an awful lot like one of the many misguided ideas from people of my own generation, something for which we will be continually embarrassed as we get older. We've had some good ideas: We bought into this whole Internet thing; We fought to save whales; we cut up our soda can plastic carriers to save dolphins; and maybe most importantly, we helped to shorten the life of bands like Air Supply.

As Mike Watt said, "Speaking as a child of the 70's," I am a card carrying member of the Post-Vietnam-we-want-to-fight-something-but-there's-not-really-a-good-cause-right-now-
so-let's-fight-for-farm-aid-or-something-or-maybe-just-create-angsty-grungy-music-because-
we're-so-frustrated-about-something-but-we're-not-sure-what generation. We've had some real ringers of ideas, you know like leg warmers worn on the outside of leather boots (or Uggs with shorts in the summertime), or roach clips as hair accessories, or the doll hair club for men.

Now that is something worth fighting for - maybe we should form a collagen injectors union, or perhaps a hair hat adjusters union (wait, that one may be real).

Remaining true to the idea that the Internet will right itself (which I'm not sure that I believe, but wing-walk with me here for a second), I meandered over to Wikipedia for the history unions. Do you know what the first line says? A definition:

"A trade union or labor union is "a continuous association of wage-earners for the purpose of maintaining or improving the conditions of their employment.""

How many bloggers do you know that are employed to blog? Is blogging really a separate, unique craft guild, or isn't it more like, um, writing? For which there is already a plethora of unionized support? Maybe blogging is photojournalism if its really good? I'm not sure. I suppose you could call just about anything a craft, so I'm not slamming blogging by any means, but I know for me, I am working towards being a solid writer, not just a blogger per se. But maybe that's why I'm planning on eventually letting my Bloggers Union dues expire.

So if we're going to form a union, as good badge wearing members of the local 8, we must be doing it because:

A) We need protection from the overbearing boss who won't provide gloves for us to type on our acid and lava-laden keyboards

B) We are pissed off about the working conditions and its time we took charge of that for which we are now entitled

C) Our wages suck, and we deserve more, more, more (thank you Billy Idol)

I can't really address reason A - I mean, my after market business-expensed ergonomic keyboard has its off days now and then, but I'm pretty happy with it most of the time. The stupid Power button on the top right has ruined my chakra occasionally, but that was mostly because I accidentally dropped a piece of scone on it while writing a blog entry.

On item B, we're disgruntled with our working conditions, right? If the answer is yes for you, well then how about this solution: No need to strike - just clean your frickin' office! Buy a can of spray air and blow the farb out of your 21" LCD flat panel! Those two self-driven actions will really stick it to The Man. You know, "The Man"? The one who is holding us blog-bruthas down? Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. The Man's been holding us back for years now. That damn Man. Damn him!

On C, yeah, this one does bite the big one. I wish I got paid more than my $6.32 from Google AdWords. Oh wait - I kind of do. Its called my job that I work at when I'm not blogging during work hours, (which I don't do of course sir, Mr. Burns sir.)

What?

My father-in-law is a full time, lifelong jazz musician. He has worked all over this country and Canada, and he has done nothing else but play music (not including the occasional stint as a cook, when he was desperate). As such, he has had his fair share of dealings with the Musicians Union - That's right, in case you didn't know, the Musician's Union actually exists, and requires among other things, annual dues. What is the benefit?

My father in law: "I asked the union guy what I get out of the deal, by paying the $200 he wanted me to pay him, on the spot, cash only, and he said, "as an official member of the Musicians Union, you and each member of your family are entitled to one ear check per year. And, you can work in any musical establishment here." In other words, I was getting ripped off so that I could go on stage that night. Not to mention, he wasn't really clear on whether it was one ear per person, or two."

I am writing another article on the Musician's Union - its a whole other subject, particularly if you care about the legendary musicians who lost everything in New Orleans, and who have received next to no help from their Union Brethren. But I'll save that for for another time.

Again, I am Bloggled. Befuddled. Puzzled, and confused, really. And that's why I'm writing this in such appalling conditions for little or now pay, on my er, ahem, blog. Which is free (thanks Blogger.com!)

Please, oh please, someone save us. Bono, where are you? John Cougar? You there?

Henry Rollins, icon of free speech in my generation, true hustler, hard worker, and spiritual leader for we, the misguided 70's children, I beg of you:

Please save us from ourselves. Forgive us for our mediocrity. We know not what we do.

Hello? Is this thing on?