I have a certain desire, which involves a part of my body that I don't particularly enjoy. I want to change it. I turned on the TV looking for a show called, "My Boys" but I couldn't find it so I settled for Dr. 90210. I thought I would watch this show about cosmetic surgery and forever ban my desire for breast augmentation. My quest was successful - at first. The slicing off of the nipples and the insertion of what appeared to be pomegranate-juice-filled water balloons was grotesque to me. My face tensed and pulled upward in disbelief and my mouth hung open in shock. I thought of the scarring and the reality of the water balloon inside the breast. It seemed so foolish and artificial. But the bearer of the afterproduct was happy.

Every woman wants breasts. It's a wonderful, sensual part of being a woman. In my opinion, the result of the procedure I watched was not ideal. They were very big for her frame and looked silly to me. I don't want any loopy doctor to mangle my perfectly crafted nipples but somehow I can't quiet that voice that periodically begs for fullness. The doctor on the show made demeaning comments about his patient before the procedure. Clearly, he was taking every necessary step to procure his assignment and I can't help but feel that he was also speaking to viewers who feel like she did.

Maybe that is only because I feel like she did. Breast implant surgery is still too extreme for me but if I felt comfortable with it, after watching that show, I'd be knocking on the local doctor's door tomorrow. I laugh at myself for dwelling on my imperfection. A child of God, covered with His fingerprints, craving the feeling of fullness in her breasts. Yet as clear as it is to me that this life is short and my physical body is temporary, I still imagine having fuller breasts and the way that my husband would touch me if I did.

Perhaps I am merely deceived and nothing would be different except the tags on my bras. Some people think their lives would be perfect if they became rich. I know from experience money doesn't give a person happiness. But I don't know from experience that I would feel the same with full breasts. I guess I'll just live a life in wonder. Nobody is cutting my nipple.